After the Veil
by Neurotica
Summary: Complete and Revised. Set right after OotP. Lupin tries to deal with the loss of his last friend, and finds comfort in the last place he ever would have thought to look. Lupin/Tonks.
1. Numb

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters or situations you recognize in this story. They belong to JK Rowling.**

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* * *

**_**After the Veil**_

By Neurotica

_Numb_

Lupin walked numbly through the front door of Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place alone. Without knowing where he was going, his tired feet carried him through the deserted house and down to the basement kitchen. The shabby former professor collapsed into a chair and stared at the empty grate of the fireplace.

He couldn't think, he couldn't feel. All he could do was sit and stare. He couldn't recall how he had gotten from the Ministry of Magic to the house but he had.

The sound of the front door snapping shut made his ears perk automatically, but it was not enough to snap him from the coldness that had overcome him.

Footsteps down the kitchen stairs... a pause... a sigh... footsteps crossing the room... the scrape of a chair across the concrete floor... someone sitting heavily.

Whoever was in the room with Lupin was staring hard at him—even through his daze he could feel it. It took all the strength he had to turn his head and look at Kingsley Shacklebolt. For a moment, neither wizard said a word; Lupin couldn't even if he had wanted to, and Shacklebolt looked as if he couldn't find words for the moment.

"Everyone's fine," Shacklebolt finally said in that soothing deep voice of his.

Lupin looked at him as if seeing him for the first time in his life.

Shacklebolt must have realized what he had said, because he quickly added, "The kids, I mean." Lupin felt his head nod and move back to the direction of the fireplace grate. "Dumbledore's coming by later today after he talks with Harry."

Again, Lupin nodded automatically.

The two Order members sat at the kitchen table in complete silence for an hour. Finally, Shacklebolt slowly stood and said, "I'm going to St. Mungo's to check on Mad-Eye and Tonks. You want to come along?"

"No," said Lupin's hoarse voice.

"Okay. I'll see you later, Remus."

With that, Lupin was alone once more.

Another few hours flew by and Lupin hadn't moved a muscle. He didn't think he could move if he tried. But eventually, he somehow managed to stand. His legs were shaking so badly that he wouldn't be surprised if he collapsed on the way up to his bedroom.

Somehow, though, he made it. He opened the door and entered. The book he had been reading before... well, before Snape had contacted them was still lying open on his bed.

Lupin sat on the edge of the bed and looked around. Nothing looked the same as it had before. Then it just seemed like an old dark house. Now, though... now it had the feel of a prison. A prison whose walls were closing in fast, making breathing a rather difficult exercise.

_This must have been what he felt like..._ Lupin thought sadly.

Without changing his clothes, without taking off his shoes, Lupin collapsed on the bed and sleep graciously arrived moments later.

* * *

"He's been in there for days," whispered a worried voice.

"You don't think he's..." whispered another.

"No... no, I'm sure he's fine. He's just experienced a terrible loss. Perhaps we should leave him be," said a third voice.

Lupin liked the third voice the best.

Lupin slowly opened his eyes and raised his head to look at the door. He could see three shadows just under the crack in the doorframe. It took him a minute to realize what he was still doing in his clothes and shoes, and why people were whispering just outside his door.

As the first voice said, "I'm checking on him," what happened that horrible night hit Lupin full force.

He let his head collapse back to the pillow as the door slowly creaked open. He didn't even bother to pretend to be asleep. Molly entered the room timidly, followed by Tonks and Arthur. Lupin stared at the ceiling as they crossed over to his bed.

"Remus?" Molly whispered as though she were standing beside the bed of a dying man.

"Hmm?" Remus grunted, not caring if he sounded rude at the moment.

"Dinner's ready if you're hungry."

Lupin nodded, still staring at the ceiling.

"Or if you prefer, I can bring you up a tray..."

Lupin sighed. There was no use to sit up here feeling sorry for himself for the rest of his life... "No," he said hoarsely. He cleared his throat. "I'll be down soon. Thank you, Molly."

Molly seemed cheered slightly and shoved Arthur and Tonks back through the door.

Eventually, Lupin rose from his bed. He stretched his aching back and averted his eyes away from the photo on the fireplace mantle. If it really had been three days, he should at least change his clothes.

Slowly and mechanically, Lupin stripped himself of his current worn sweater and pants, and changed into a clean, slightly frayed, t-shirt and a pair of faded blue jeans. Not caring about the state of his greying hair, Lupin left the room and headed down the stairs of the old house. He averted his eyes again as he passed the house-elves heads and the picture of Siri— _his_ mother.

He sighed heavily at the thought that even his mind was censoring him.

He could vaguely hear voices floating up from the basement kitchen, but the moment he began stepping down the steep stairs, they stopped.

Lupin crossed the kitchen without looking at the others and sat in an empty seat at the end of the table. All eyes were upon him as he looked around slowly. Most eyes had a mixture of concern and pity, some even a little fear. Not that he really cared at the moment.

Molly broke the tense silence as she placed a bowl of hot soup and sandwiches before Lupin. "There you are, dear," she said kindly. "Eat up."

The others in the room (Tonks, Arthur, Kingsley, Moody, Mundungus, and Emmeline Vance) helped themselves to a large plate of sandwiches and the pot of soup. Soon they were discussing—a little too cheerfully, in Lupin's opinion—the coming Order meeting.

_They're doing this for your benefit, you know,_ said a deep voice in Lupin's head.

Lupin shook his head, causing his sandy haired mixed with grey to cover his eyes, and continued to move his spoon through his soup. He wasn't hungry, and he was afraid that if he tried to eat he would just loose it later. Not too long after, dinner had finished. Molly and Emmeline were at the sink doing dishes. Tonks was eager as always to help, but after she had broken two dinner plates, Molly sent her back to the table with the wizards. Lupin remained in his daze as his fellows talked around him. He could feel eyes upon him again, but didn't have the strength to look up. After a while, more of the Order members began to arrive. Strangely enough, the only one Lupin noticed was Snape. Snape sent the werewolf the usual glare and sat in a corner of the kitchen.

_He really hated Snape..._ Lupin thought distantly, turning away from the Potions Master.

Dumbledore was the last to enter. His normally bright twinkling eyes now pale and somber; their leader was looking older than ever.

Without even trying, Dumbledore gathered the attention of the Order. He looked at each of them, stopping on Lupin, and spoke, "As I am sure you have learned by now by reading the newspapers, the second war has begun. Voldemort—" a collective shudder passed through the room. Lupin never winced. "—made himself known to the Minister of Magic three nights ago. Many of his Death Eaters have been captured, including Lucius Malfoy, and have been sent to Azkaban. Unfortunately, I do not know how long they will remain there.

"As I am sure you have also learned we have already suffered a tragic loss of one of our own. For those of you who knew him well, Sirius Black—" Lupin winced painfully, "—was a strong and loyal man. He fought hard until his last breath. Sirius was protecting those he loved from danger. He will be missed terribly."

The rest of the meeting was a blur for Lupin. It was true, then... Sirius was really gone forever...

Only two years ago had the friends been reunited, finding the truth in one another. Not enough had been said on Lupin's part to his friend... his brother. And now he'd never get that chance.

The vision of Sirius being hit by a spell so simple as a Stunner by Bellatrix Lestrange, then falling gracefully through the veil would haunt Lupin as long as he remained on this earth.

The pain of loss was nothing new to Lupin, unfortunately. He'd been experiencing the pain of it since his youth. He'd lost everything at the hands of Lord Voldemort. All of his friends... gone. All of his family... gone. He was the last of the Marauders, officially now. The others had been taken from him—in Sirius' case, twice. Whether in death, or betrayal, or misunderstandings of the worst sort, they were gone. And they would never come back.

A soft hand touched Lupin's arm, jolting him from his depressing thoughts. He looked up into the eyes of the one and only Nymphadora Tonks—today her eyes were a navy blue. Lupin couldn't help but think how nice they were...

He looked around the room. Apparently the meeting had ended; the kitchen was now empty save the two of them.

"Wotcher, Remus," she said quietly, sitting next to him at the table.

"Hello, Nymphadora," he said tonelessly, not caring for the reprimand that was sure to come for using the Auror's first name.

For a moment, she looked like she was going to ask the pointless question, "Are you okay?" but instead said, "I fed Buckbeak earlier. He seemed hungry."

"Thank you," Lupin said, slightly surprised. He hadn't even thought of the hippogriff that had saved Sirius' life, and vice versa.

Tonks nodded. "Not a problem. It was all going quite well until I slipped on a skeleton of a mouse or something; I don't think I'll be able to sit comfortably for a week."

Lupin was startled by the strange sound of his own quiet laughter as he imagined the scene.

The two settled in a comfortable silence before Tonks spoke again, "Arthur, Mad-Eye, and I were discussing meeting Harry's family at the train station. Kind of see if we can't make his stay a bit better." Lupin snorted to himself. "You want to come?"

"Yes, I think I will," he heard himself say quietly after only a moment's thought.

"Good," she said smiling. Tonks stood from her chair and pulled her Muggle leather jacket over her black t-shirt. "Well, I should be going. Gotta be at the Ministry early tomorrow. I'll be back tomorrow morning before work; Mad-Eye wants to talk to me about something and he insists I come here."

"Okay," Lupin said, leading Tonks out of the basement kitchen.

They reached the front door, which Lupin held open for her. Before she left, Tonks laid a reassuring hand on his arm. "It'll get better," was all she said before taking her leave.

Lupin could only nod, but felt the weight in his chest lessen a bit at the words, as he closed the door and headed back to his bedroom.


	2. Cold

_**After the Veil**_

By Neurotica

_Cold_

Lupin woke suddenly in the middle of the night gasping for air and grasping his bare chest. He sat up straight in his bed, looking around his dark room with wide eyes. He was able to get his breathing under control finally and wiped a layer of cold sweat from his forehead. It was effortless to remember what it was that had woken him; he was still seeing flashes of the nightmare as he reached for his wand to give him some much-needed light.

The subject of the nightmare was relatively predictable for someone who had just experienced the loss of a close friend as Lupin had. It was Sirius. In the Department of Mysteries. In the Death Chamber—as he had dubbed it subconsciously. Sirius wasn't alone, though; James and Lily were there, as was Lupin himself. James had explained that Sirius needed to leave, that there were reasons that Lupin could never understand. Lupin had argued, saying there was nothing he didn't understand and that Sirius didn't have to leave. He'd also told his friends that James and Lily hadn't had to leave, either.

As in most nightmares, things had gone downhill from there. Slowly, Sirius, James, and Lily had begun to decay before Lupin's eyes, losing any and all familiar characteristics that he was familiar with. Pulling Sirius with them, James and Lily had disappeared behind that blasted veil, leaving Lupin alone... again.

Lupin rolled his eyes at the childishness of nightmares—he hadn't had a true nightmare since he was eight years old. But he supposed it was a side effect of seeing a friend... well, die.

Deciding that sleep was not going to come to him anytime soon, He removed himself from the warm confines of his bed and stepped onto the cold wooden floor of the bedroom. Shivering slightly, he used the light from his wand to locate his battered robe and put it on. He left his bedroom and made his way through the dark, admittedly creepy, corridors of Number Twelve down to the basement kitchen for a late night snack.

If it wasn't for the fact that he had nowhere else to really go, he would have left the Most Noble and Ancient House of Black the night he'd returned from the Ministry of Magic, without Sirius. He'd sold his home in the country to move into the old, abandoned house. Sirius hadn't really asked him to, but Lupin had been able to tell from the tone his friend used when he'd made to leave that first night that he, Sirius, actually wanted him to stay. Sirius had never been one to come right out and ask for a favor, and one would have had to known him well enough to know when he desperately needed something.

Sighing, Lupin sat at the kitchen table with a bottle of butterbeer and a plate of biscuits left by Molly earlier that night. The Weasleys had returned to their home in Ottery St. Catchpole just after the children left for Hogwarts the previous September. After their departure, it had seemed odd to once again be roommates with his old friend. But slowly, very slowly, Lupin and Sirius had become reacquainted with one another. They'd become the same kids they had been before they'd been torn apart by the events nearly fifteen years ago. It was as if nothing had ever happened at times. They'd changed, of course, as all men do as the years go by.

Sirius had spent twelve years in a place the majority of the wizarding world considered the depths of hell. He'd had to adjust to his new surroundings in Azkaban while he worked out how to maintain his sanity with the dementors around him day and night. The first few months after the night Sirius had shown up on the back porch of Lupin's cottage, the former professor hadn't been sure if his friend would ever be the same. He'd lost some of the deadened look in his eyes as time wore on, but still had the worn look of a man who'd been through way too much throughout his years.

Lupin had spent the same twelve years in a much different way. The first three or four had been used to get out of the depression he'd fallen into after that Halloween night. Finally, he'd realized that binge drinking and misery weren't going to bring his friends back. He'd used what little savings he'd accumulated since his Hogwarts graduation on a two-year trip around the world to study some of the most famous locations used for Dark Arts in history. Lupin had returned to England with a new sense of self-appreciation. He'd found something he enjoyed.

For a few years, he continued on the path he'd wanted to take when he left Hogwarts. Lily had always encouraged him to work with his talents, do what he was good at. He applied for a job with a local Muggle primary school teaching History. Unfortunately, he had lost that job less than a year later when he was required to miss so many days due to a rather horrible full moon. Luckily, he'd saved his earnings from the job to last him until he found something else. A few odd jobs later, He found the ad in the _Daily Prophet _for a Defense teaching position at Hogwarts. And the rest, as they say, is history.

He drained the last of his butterbeer and looked around the kitchen. It was quite lonely without Sirius trudging down the stairs like a hoard of trolls after their next meal. The overwhelming feeling of being completely alone once again was starting to fill Lupin's insides completely. It was a sick coldness that one could compare to the feeling a dementor inspired. Thoughts of never again having someone to laugh with, never being able to tease someone relentlessly, never having someone to tell him it would all be okay, or vice versa... It was depressing, really, thinking that his life was back to where it had been fifteen years ago.

With another sigh, he rose from his chair, disposed his butterbeer bottle, placed his plate in the sink, and headed back up to his bedroom. According to his wristwatch it was still long before dawn, and he would need more sleep if he was to be expected to function at all.

* * *

A few hours into his fitful sleep, Lupin was once again awoken suddenly, but for a much different reason this time. He'd heard a dull, slightly sickening _thud_ a few floors below him, followed almost immediately by the screeches of the one and only portrait of Mrs. Black. Raising an exhausted eyebrow, he once again got out of bed, pulled on his robe, and made his way to the ground floor.

As he reached the bottom step, he spotted Mad-Eye at Sirius' mother's portrait, covering her with the tattered curtain the Order used to silence the old bat. Normally, Mad-Eye was quite careful not to wake the portraits in the house, and Lupin was quite curious as to what had caused the chaos so early in the morning.

Stepping off the stair, his bare foot hit a warm, squishy form. Looking slowly down, He restrained himself from cursing loudly. Kreacher the house-elf was lying unconscious on the floor, a small pool of blood forming under his head. He looked back to Mad-Eye questioningly. The other wizard was still facing Mrs. Black's portrait, but Lupin could feel the blue magical eye watching his every move.

"Fell," the retired Auror grunted to Lupin's silent question. Mad-Eye then turned and limped down to the kitchen without another word.

Lupin shook his head at Kreacher and followed Mad-Eye's path. It was hard for him to feel any sympathy for Kreacher at the moment. The house-elf hadn't been seen since Dumbledore had questioned him a few nights ago. Lupin had no real concern over it; he wasn't sure what he would have done to the treacherous creature. He'd never been known to be violent, but he'd also never encountered a house-elf who'd betrayed his master in the way Kreacher had done to Sirius. The lunatic elf had been the cause of Sirius' untimely death. He'd probably been planning it for months...

Mad-Eye was sitting at the kitchen table nursing his hip flask when Lupin entered. The younger wizard sat across from the elder and watched him thoughtfully for a moment.

"Sirius would have thanked you," Lupin said in his quiet, hoarse voice.

"He'd been wanting to do that since day one," Mad-Eye said. "Just thought I'd help out a bit."

Lupin gave him a weak smile. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine," Mad-Eye said gruffly. "Healers fixed me up straight away. Tonks had to stay an extra day; she had bit of a head injury after that fall. Doesn't seem to have affected her much, though."

Lupin nodded, but his mind was clearly on other things. After long moments of silence, the front door closed above them, followed almost immediately by a muttered curse.

"Speak of the devil," Mad-Eye said, his magical eye swiveling to the ceiling.

"Tonks, I presume," Lupin said quietly.

"Aye."

"Shall I leave the two of you alone?"

"If you want," Mad-Eye said gruffly. It was more than obvious that Lupin would prefer to be alone, and he was pleased to have a reason to get away from people.

Lupin nodded, stood, and made his way up the kitchen stairs. Tonks was standing over Kreacher's body with an unidentifiable expression on her heart-shaped face. Lupin stopped next to her.

"What happened?" Tonks asked, kneeling beside Kreacher, checking for a pulse.

"Mad-Eye says he fell..." Lupin trailed off.

"Hmm," Tonks said, standing again. "About time, too. Never did like him. Want me to get rid of him for you?"

Lupin shrugged. "Throw him in an alley somewhere," he said coldly.

Tonks raised an eyebrow at Lupin's tone. "Right... well, I better get downstairs before Mad-Eye goes mental. Are you going to be around later tonight?"

"I don't have any plans," Lupin said flatly.

Tonks nodded. Lupin raised his head away from Kreacher and found Tonks watching him. Lupin looked away.

"See you, then," Tonks said, moving towards the kitchen.

"See you," Lupin replied, going back up the stairs.

He stopped suddenly as he passed a room with a closed door. His eyes moved automatically to the doorknob with a lion that had been transfigured from a serpent—the only doorknob in the house to undergo the change. This, of course, was Sirius' old bedroom.

Lupin stared unblinking at the doorknob for long minutes, waging an internal battle with himself.

Did he really want to go in there? Did he really want to see the place his best friend would never again be? He was in Sirius' house, after all—the place Sirius despised almost as much as Azkaban, the other place he described as hell; what was one room? Did he even want to think about his dead friend at the moment?

Lupin tore his blurring, burning eyes away from the doorknob and continued down the hall to his own bedroom.


	3. Comfort

_**After the Veil**_

By Neurotica

_Comfort_

Lupin stared moodily at the unopened, brown bottle of Ogden's Firewhiskey that he and Sirius had been saving for the weekend. He wasn't sure it was right to drown his sorrows in the amber-colored liquid, but he couldn't see any other way to forget the pain he was feeling at the moment. He summoned a goblet from the cabinet and filled it to the rim with the drink. Picking up the goblet, Lupin toasted the empty chair across from him—Sirius' chair.

"Cheers," he muttered to the empty kitchen before downing half the goblet. He repressed the urge to wince as the liquid burned his throat when he swallowed—that would go away after a few more...

The majority of his day was spent locked up in the Black family library. Lupin had found a nice, thick volume covered in dust that had a long chapter on ancient death penalties. One picture depicted a slightly tattered veil, fluttering in an invisible wind. It wasn't that he was trying to find a way to bring Sirius back—even in his grief of losing his best friend, he was still very aware that it would be impossible. No, Lupin just wanted to understand what had happened to his friend. The revelation he'd discovered wasn't quite what he'd pictured death to be. Sirius was sort of trapped in a world between the living and the dead. His soul would have to fight its way to the afterlife. This only succeeded in depressing Lupin more than he had been before he'd found the book.

"Having a nightcap, are we?" said a voice from the foot of the stairs. "Mind if I join you?"

"Not at all," Lupin said automatically in his quiet, hoarse voice.

He summoned a second goblet from the cupboard and filled it to the rim as Tonks sat across from him, beside Sirius' chair. She gave him a small smile as she accepted the goblet and downed it all in a few gulps. _Must be a Black family trait_, Lupin thought with a hint of amusement. Sirius was the only other person he had known that could drink firewhiskey that fast without nearly choking. Lupin filled her goblet once more—this time she only took small sips.

"So do you think the Dursleys will listen to us?" Tonks asked, running a finger along the rim of her own goblet

Lupin suppressed the urge to laugh bitterly. He'd known Petunia Dursley before Harry had even been born. On Lily and James' wedding day, she'd surprised everyone present—namely Lily—by showing up halfway through the service and glaring daggers at anyone who dared look her way. Lily confided in Lupin later that it would have been better had her sister not even shown up. "I don't know, but it doesn't hurt to try, I suppose," Lupin said quietly.

"Harry's a good kid. Never seen anyone like him," Tonks said quietly

Lupin nodded and looked back down to the table. The two Order members fell into an uncomfortable silence during which Lupin could feel Tonks' eyes upon him. He didn't look back at her, though; he didn't have the strength to move his head after all the firewhiskey. A faint buzzing filled his ears as his eyes became unfocused. He'd need to get to bed soon, or he'd never make it up the stairs.

"I miss him," Tonks said suddenly and quietly.

Lupin's head snapped up. Tonks was looking sadly at Sirius' empty chair. "Me too," he tried to say. It seemed his voice had stopped functioning.

"He was always the only family member—besides my parents, of course—that I could actually stand," Tonks continued quietly, a very sad smile on her face. "After he was sent to Azkaban, I didn't know what to think. I was only eight at the time. Mum told me everything..."

Lupin looked up and watched her shake her head sadly. "Then that first Order meeting..." Tonks chuckled—Remus inwardly smiled at the sound. "He acted like nothing had ever happened… He was so casual about it. Kingsley told me afterwards that he wasn't sure whether to hug Sirius or arrest him that night. I mean, the man had been working so hard on capturing Sirius and all of a sudden, there he is."

Lupin actually felt himself smile at the memory. Kingsley had looked completely dumbstruck. Sirius had hidden his nervousness well, but Lupin knew his friend was just waiting to be cursed by someone that night. Luckily for everyone, the majority of the Order accepted Dumbledore's version of events and welcomed Sirius back to them—many of them had even apologized for thinking he was guilty all those years.

"He loved you, you know," Tonks said thoughtfully. "Said you and James Potter were the closest things he ever had to brothers."

Lupin closed his eyes tightly. He could feel his eyes welling up with tears at the admission. What could he say to that...? One of the warm tears slipped from his eyes, slid down his cheek, and fell to the table. Tonks stood and walked around the table, bending down in front of Lupin, embracing him tightly around his neck. His arms moved automatically around her waist, and he pulled her to him, crying into her shoulder.

As Tonks rubbed her back reassuringly, he began to feel a sense of comfort he hadn't had with anyone besides the Marauders. Never had he cried in front of anyone, save his mother. Even at James and Lily's funeral, Lupin held his emotions in until he'd reached the sanctuary of his own home.

Lupin and Tonks held each other until both their tears had been spent. How much time had gone by, neither knew, nor did they care. Tonks pulled away, her eyes puffy and red, her cheeks stained with tears. Lupin reached over and gently wiped a stray tear away as she sat beside him.

Lupin sat back in his own chair, still holding Tonks' hand. "Thank you," he whispered.

"You're welcome."

* * *

A few days following the kitchen meeting between Tonks and Lupin, Lupin walked, once again, through the front door of Number Twelve. He felt better than he had in days, which wasn't saying much; he was still in shock over everything that had happened. Life had to go on, however. The Order members had, in their opinions, successfully confronted the Dursleys without resorting to wand use—Lupin had showed much discipline on his part.

If Harry needed absolutely anything, Lupin would be there. He'd promised Sirius months ago that if anything were to happen to him—whether it be his capture or untimely death—Lupin would be there for Harry.

Very suddenly, he finally decided it was time to visit Sirius' room—whether he was ready or not. He remembered Sirius giving Harry one of the two-way mirrors just after Christmas, and Lupin wanted to see if Sirius had left his on the desk. Perhaps if Harry needed to talk, he would contact Lupin on the two-way mirror. If not, Lupin would have a way of getting in touch with the boy if he needed to.

Hesitantly, reluctantly even, Lupin pushed open Sirius' door and entered the dark room. "_Lumos_," he muttered with his wand. The bed was still unmade, clothes were still lying all over the floor, crumpled pieces of parchment littered the desk, and there was a stale smell of cigarette smoke and firewhiskey lingering in the air.

Lupin walked to the window and pulled open the black curtain, letting the setting sun flood the room with light. He sat on the windowsill and looked around. Buckbeak could be heard in the next room pawing at the floor, waiting for his meal. Tonks had taken over feeding the Hippogriff voluntarily. She seemed to have forged a friendship with the half-horse, half-bird.

Over the last few days, Tonks had been spending more time at Headquarters than she did at her own home. She claimed it was because it was easier to from the Ministry to Headquarters and sleep there than it was to go home. Lupin found that he appreciated her company; she didn't press him to talk about things he didn't want to discuss at the moment, and she allowed him to sit silently and stare at nothing while she worked on reports for work.

There had been a conversation between Sirius and Lupin months back about the young Auror. Well, not so much a conversation as Sirius hinting that Tonks fancied Lupin and vice versa. The conversation had ended when Lupin threw the book he'd been reading at his friend's head, silencing him immediately.

Lupin smiled slightly at the memory and pushed himself from the windowsill. He moved to Sirius' desk and shifted some of the parchment. Sirius seemed to have been writing a letter; his quill was filled with dried ink, and there were many pieces of parchment with scribbled out paragraphs.

Lupin sighed as he realized the mirror was not on the desk. "_Accio_ two-way mirror," Lupin said quietly, hoping the old mirror would be there somewhere. Another sigh. The mirror was not in the house... Sirius must have taken it with him.

He left the room and started down the hall, only to run into Tonks as she turned a corner.

"Oh! Sorry, Remus," she said, blushing as Lupin kept her from falling back on the floor.

"Hello, Nymphadora." Lupin smiled softly. "Are you all right?"

"Er, yeah, fine," Tonks said, pulling away from Lupin. "I was just, uh, bringing Buckbeak his dinner."

"Right," Lupin said softly, not able to tear his eyes from Tonks' silver ones. "I was just getting ready to have dinner. Would you care to join me?"

Tonks bit her lip but smiled. "Sure," she said. "I'll be down soon."

Lupin nodded. "See you soon, then." He made to move past Tonks, but found her blocking his way. She smiled nervously and moved at the same time as Lupin. Lupin chuckled and reached out to hold Tonks in place. "See you downstairs, Nymphadora."

"It's Tonks," the witch muttered as Lupin walked away.


	4. Memories

_**After the Veil**_

By Neurotica

­

_Memories_

_Lupin and Sirius sat at the kitchen table of Number Twelve with a nearly empty bottle of Ogden's Firewhiskey between them and a shot glass beside it. A pile of silver sickles lay on the other side of the shot glass. Sirius clumsily reached out for a sickle, closed one eye to take aim, his tongue sticking slightly out, and bounced the sickle off the table, landing it cleanly in the shot glass. _

"_Drown your sorrows, Mister Moony," Sirius cried in triumph._

_Lupin chuckled and reached out for the glass, his movements slow and just as clumsy as Sirius'. He brought the glass to his lips, tilted his head back to swallow the alcohol in one gulp, then slammed the glass on the table, a large grin on his face._

_It was the first night in nearly two months that Lupin had off from his duties for the Order of the Phoenix. There hadn't been a meeting that night, and the two friends were taking advantage of the empty house to spend some much needed quality time together. It seemed to Lupin that whenever he arrived at the house, Sirius was in better spirits. He'd heard from other Order members that this was not the case when they'd visited; Sirius would see who had come in and immediately retreat upstairs to Buckbeak's room for hours on end. _

_Halloween was quickly approaching, but neither wizard would bring the topic to the surface. Lupin figured Sirius would talk if he needed to, and there was no reason to force him into issues that would undoubtedly depress him further than he had been since Harry's return to Hogwarts. He noticed his friend would zone out at certain moments and stare pensively at the floor or the glowing fireplace, but before he could say anything about it, Sirius would shake his head and crack a joke, turning the conversation in a complete different direction._

_Lupin filled the shot glass again and reached out for a sickle. He made to aim for the glass, but found Sirius had once again zoned out. Slowly, Lupin sat the sickle down and watched his friend silently. Sirius' eyes grew darker and more hollow as the moments went on, leaving Lupin with no doubt as to what his friend was thinking about. _

"_Sirius," he said quietly._

_Sirius jumped and snapped his head quickly back to Lupin. "Yeah?" he said with a smile that was obviously forced._

"_Do you want to talk about them?" Lupin asked hesitantly._

_For a moment, it seemed Sirius was finally going to crack and talk about Lily and James; he opened and closed his mouth a few times, each time with a heavy sigh. "There's nothing really to talk about," Sirius said slightly hoarse. _

_Lupin made to contradict the statement, but Sirius, once again, interrupted and changed the subject._

"_So what do you think of my dear cousin Nymphy?" he asked with a grin that didn't reach his eyes._

_Lupin sighed. It was never easy to talk to Sirius Black about certain subjects. Lupin had known that since the first month of Hogwarts when Sirius would never speak about his family. "She's just like you, Padfoot," he said, inwardly shaking his head at his best friend._

"_I think she fancies you, you know," Sirius said, a real grin now in place on his face._

_Lupin raised an eyebrow, forgetting the change of subject. "What?" he asked incredulously._

"_Yeah," Sirius said. "Haven't you noticed the way she always wants to sit next to you in Order meetings? Or the way she acts when Dumbledore pairs you up for guard duty?"_

_Lupin's eyebrow rose so high it threatened to become part of his geaying hair. "No, I haven't noticed, Sirius," he said. _

"_Well, I have," Sirius said, as if that settled the matter. "She fancies you."_

"_Sirius, I'm old enough to be her father."_

"_Actually, no, you're not," Sirius countered. "She's twenty-four."_

"_And I'm thirty-seven," Lupin said flatly. _

"_So? Age doesn't matter when it comes to love, Moony," Sirius said wisely._

"_Who said anything about love? You just said she fancies me, which I don't believe."_

"_You think I'm lying, then?"_

"_No, I think the firewhiskey has done permanent damage to that thing you call a brain."_

"_Do you fancy her?"_

"_What?" Lupin asked loudly._

"_Do. you. fancy. Tonks?" Sirius asked as if talking to a two-year-old._

"_No," Lupin said a bit too quickly. Sirius' grin widened. "What are you smiling about?"_

"_You fancy Tonks," Sirius began to sing. "You fancy Tonks. So, when's the wedding?"_

"_Padfoot, I'm going to hurt you. Badly," Lupin threatened._

_Before Sirius could respond, the subject of their conversation, literally, came tumbling down the basement stairs. Lupin rushed over with grace he shouldn't have possessed after the amount of alcohol he'd consumed to where Tonks had tripped down the last two stairs and helped her to sit up. _

"_Bloody hell," Tonks muttered. "I can't go anywhere."_

"_Are you all right?" Lupin asked, examining the blue-haired witch with a concerned eye. _

"_Fine," Tonks sighed. "Nothing I haven't done before. Ow," she added, as Lupin wiped some dust from the knee of her torn jeans. _

_Lupin raised an eyebrow and pulled her pant leg up to examine the knee. A bruise was already beginning to form from where she'd fallen. He reached to his back pocket for his wand, tapped her knee lightly, ignoring her sharp intake of breath, and whispered a healing spell. "How's that?" he asked after a moment._

_Tonks slowly tested out her knee. "Better," she said with a slightly surprised tone. "I need to remember that one." Lupin smiled and stood, sticking out a hand to help Tonks from the floor of the kitchen. "Thank you, Remus."_

"_You're quite welcome, Nymphadora."_

"_It's Tonks," she muttered halfheartedly, noticing her hand was still in Lupin's. They stood there in silent for a few moments, just watching one another's eyes. Lupin noticed that hers changed from dark blue to a silver color almost automatically. It was a very nice combination, Lupin caught himself thinking._

_Before he could chastise himself for the thought, the loud clearing of a throat broke the eye contact. Lupin resisted the urge to groan as he remembered Sirius was still at the table. He reluctantly released Tonks' hand and turned to his friend, who just happened to have the world's most annoying knowing grin on his face. _

_Tonks, very red in her face, turned to Sirius as well. "Oh, were you guys playing Sickles?" she asked._

"_Uh huh," Sirius said, still looking at Lupin. "Care to play with us, Tonks?"_

"_Actually, I'm going to turn in," Lupin said. "Early morning tomorrow."_

"_Right," Sirius said, still grinning. _

_Lupin rolled his eyes, smiled at Tonks, and went up the stairs. Best friends could be so infuriating sometimes…_

* * *

That had been the first of many conversations between Sirius and Lupin about the young Auror. Lupin hadn't actually believed anything Sirius had said; he just thought his friend was trying to get under his skin as he had done numerous times during their Hogwarts days. Sirius and James never had much of a problem with girls, as Lupin recalled easily. Neither had he; he just preferred to approach relationships in his own way.

He'd dated a few girls in his younger days, though none of them turned out to be much of anything. The moment they found out about his Lycanthropy, they ran away screaming. One woman had actually thrown silverware at him after he'd told her. After that, he'd pretty much given up on relationships and devoted his time to studying the defense aspect of the Dark Arts.

He had to admit, even if it was only to himself, that there was something about Nymphadora Tonks that drew his attention. Their dinner that evening had been one of the first times in a week that Lupin felt better over what had happened. He caught himself enjoying himself, and even laughing a few times.

As he changed into his pajamas, though, Lupin began to feel guilty. It had been less than a week since he'd lost Sirius, and he was already starting to move on. He knew, deep down, that it would have to happen at some point, and that Sirius wouldn't want him to wallow in his depression for the rest of his natural life, but it didn't feel right. He was in the home of his best friend, having dinner with his cousin, and enjoying himself.

Sighing, Lupin thought about what Sirius would say if he knew he'd had dinner, alone, with Tonks. He'd probably make some comment about when the baby would be born and then if they were going to name it after him. Then Lupin would throw a book at him, hard, and change the subject.

Lying in bed, fighting the inevitable moment that he would fall asleep, Lupin began to wonder what a relationship with Tonks would be like. Spontaneous was only one word that came to mind before his eyes closed and his dreams took him to places he'd blush about when he was awake.


	5. Storms

_**After the Veil**_

By Neurotica

_Storms_

It's amazing how lightning storms have the effect they do on people. The heaviest sleepers in the world could be awakened by the sound of crackling thunder or the flash of a lightning bolt. Even a person who hadn't slept well in weeks, and was utterly exhausted, could be kept awake by a lightning storm. They also seemed to bring people together in the oddest ways...

Remus Lupin just so happened to be one of those people who had fallen victim to insomnia due to a lightning storm one night. He lay awake, his arms crossed behind his head, staring at the ceiling, watching the lightning form odd shapes above his head. At times, if he squinted hard enough and cocked his head a bit, he could make out the shapes of a large dog and a stag. Once, he could have sworn he'd seen the shadows form a heart-shaped face with spiky hair.

Earlier that night, the Order had met for the second time since Sirius' death. Since there was no longer any need to guard the Department of Mysteries, the members of the Order had been assigned new duties. Lupin had been set the duty of strategizing plans of attack. The information he would use would be provided by none other than Severus Snape. In short, Lupin would have to deal with the Potions Master more often than he would like—for the good of the Order, he repeatedly told himself.

Regardless of his current feelings for Snape, Lupin would have to remain civil towards the other wizard. It had always been hard for Lupin to sincerely loathe any person—save Voldemort, of course—but Snape seemed to be becoming the exception to that rule. As far as Lupin was concerned, it was Snape's fault Sirius was gone. If he hadn't been so bloody cold towards Harry, the boy wouldn't have gone to the Department of Mysteries that night, and the Order wouldn't have had to go and save him and his friends. There were a number of people Lupin could blame for what happened— Harry, Snape, Dumbledore, Umbridge, Fudge, Wormtail, himself, even Sirius— but no matter how much blame was passed around, Lupin knew it wouldn't bring his friend back. Though he did have to admit that finding someone to blame did make him feel a bit better.

Rubbing his face roughly, thinking that he'd need to shave soon, Lupin rolled out of the comforts of his bed and made his way down to the kitchen. He noticed a light under the kitchen door and raised an eyebrow. He'd been pretty sure everyone had gone home after the meeting...

He pushed the door open slowly and saw a silhouette at the kitchen table. There was music playing quietly in the background—The Weird Sisters, if he remembered correctly. _Ah, must be Tonks,_ Lupin thought with a small smile.

When he allowed his mind to wander—which he rarely did anymore—it always seemed to fall upon the young Auror. He couldn't figure out why this was; he hadn't really had that problem with women in years. Once, he thought she'd put some sort of spell on him, but then he rolled his eyes at the childishness of that thought. Sirius had tried that on a girl once and ended up in the hospital wing when the spell had hit James as he was passing in Sirius' line of wandfire.

"Hello, Tonks," he said quietly as he reached the foot of the stairs.

Tonks started, dropping the spoon she'd been using to eat a bowl of ice cream. "Wotcher, Remus," she said, ducking under the table to get her spoon.

Lupin's eyebrow rose almost automatically as he happened to catch a nice glimpse of her small shirt riding up her back. He quickly cleared his throat and looked away until she was back in her seat.

"Want a banana orgasm?" Tonks asked innocently.

Lupin's mouth dropped open. "I—I'm sorry... What?"

Tonks chuckled and moved aside so Lupin could see her bowl of ice cream. "It's my own invention," she explained cheerfully while Lupin fought to keep his composure. "Two bananas, chocolate syrup, vanilla bean ice cream, strawberries, cherries, and peanuts."

"Wouldn't that be a banana split?" Lupin asked, barely trusting himself to speak.

"Probably," Tonks said thoughtfully. "But I like my name for it much better."

"Right," Lupin said slowly, moving to sit beside the witch.

"Want one?"

Lupin grinned slightly. "Sure."

Tonks smiled brightly, causing Lupin's stomach to do a small somersault, and conjured the ingredients for the ice cream dish with a wave of her wand.

The two spent a few moments in silence eating their ice cream and merely enjoying each other's company. Lupin kept glancing at her out of the corner of his eye, but she seemed to sense his stare; she'd look up, smile nervously, and quickly look back down at her bowl.

After thirty minutes of this, Lupin could no longer handle the silence. "So what are you doing here so late? I thought you'd gone after the meeting."

Tonks swallowed a rather large spoonful of ice cream before answering. "Well, I did, but I couldn't sleep due to the storm. I've never really handled storms well by myself, so here I am."

Lupin definitely sensed a shyness in her voice that he'd never heard before. He liked it. "I'd rather spend a night alone than in this place. Especially during a storm."

"Why are you awake?" she asked with a tone that suggested she already knew the answer.

Lupin shrugged. "I always get a case of insomnia during these kinds of storms. It'd gotten so bad during Hogwarts that my friends wouldn't even go to sleep when we'd heard one was heading our way. That's when we pulled some of our more extravagant and daring pranks, actually."

Tonks smiled. "You know, McGonagall was still talking about that prank involving the dragon skeleton in the Defense room and the Slytherin dungeons when I graduated."

Lupin laughed—the first time he'd truly laughed in weeks—and was unable to stop for several minutes. When he got himself under control, he wiped a tear from his eye and still smiling widely, he said, "Yes, I remember that one well. Fifth year, that was. James and Sirius had been trying to charm that thing to fly since day one of first year."

"So were you four really as big of trouble makers as everyone says?" Tonks asked eagerly.

"Depends on who you talk to," he said. "McGonagall will go one for days about how we were her worst nightmares. Dumbledore, on the other hand, would say we were harmless. He was always soft with us, unless someone was put in danger, or actually hurt, which rarely ever happened."

"And who was the worst out of all of you?"

"Again, that depends on who you ask. Our professors seemed convinced that Sirius and James were the real problems. But Sirius and James seemed to think it was me for some reason."

Tonks choked on a peanut. "You?" she asked, pointing her spoon at him.

"I honestly never understood where they came up with that. I mean, they were the ones who actually came up with the plans. I merely made it so we wouldn't get caught."

She shook her head in mock-disappointment. "And here I thought you were the good one..."

Lupin grinned mischievously. "There's no such thing as a good Marauder, Tonks."

She matched his grin and they fell into a comfortable silence as they finished their ice cream.

Again, Lupin tried to watch her when he thought she wasn't looking and this time he was a little more successful. He studied the way she scraped the bowl for what was left of the melted milk, the way her eyes twinkled when the firelight hit them just right. He found himself wondering if her skin was as soft as it looked—

He shook himself quickly, blinking as he looked away from the young Auror sitting beside him. She hadn't seemed to notice his sudden movements; taking advantage of this, he surreptitiously scooted a little further away from her in his chair. The last thing he needed to do right now was do something he was certain he would regret. Tonks was nothing more than a fellow Order member and a friend who was going through the same loss he was. He was mistaking her attempts to comfort him as something more, something that probably didn't exist in the first place.

_But am I?_ he wondered. _How many times did Sirius tell me she fancied me? _

_It was Sirius,_ his mind reminded him. _He was the one trying to set you up on dates with girls who didn't have an ounce of brains in their heads._

_Tonks does, though. She'd have to have some brains to get as far as she had in the Auror squads. Not to mention everything she'd done for the Order that year. And bravery, that has to count for something, doesn't it? It would have to take somebody brave to have risked her career at the Ministry because she put her trust in Albus Dumbledore. _

_But she's a complete klutz! She trips over air, for Merlin's sake!_

_Even that can be endearing at times. _His stomach somersaulted again. _Especially when I'm there to catch her and keep her from falling to the ground. The way her arms grasp mine and the cute embarrassed smile she gives every time she gets back on her feet..._

_What are you thinking?_ his mind screamed at him. _She's thirteen years your junior! Besides, do you really think she would want anything to do with somebody who had no home, no job, and barely enough money to survive? Not to mention you just happen to turn into a bloodthirsty, man-eating beast once a month. That alone would be cause enough for her to be shunned from the entire wizarding world and possibly even her own family. No. She's better off with somebody young and whole who can give her the love and support she deserves without worrying about things like werewolves._

Lupin heaved a heavy sigh as he realized the voice was right.

"You okay?" asked Tonks from behind him.

He started and looked at her over his shoulder. "I'm fine," he said hoarsely, trying and failing to smile. "Lost in my thoughts again." He stood and took their bowls to the sink before turning to face her again. "I should be getting to bed; I've got to meet Dumbledore in the morning. Thank you for the ice cream."

Before she could do more than give him a look of mingled confusion and slight hurt, he was up the kitchen stairs and back in his bedroom again.

As he lay in bed again, his unconsciousness supplied him with images that told him how wrong he'd been about why he and Nymphadora Tonks could never be together. When he woke the next morning, he'd needed a very cold shower before he was able to face the rest of the house.


	6. Decisions

_**After the Veil**_

By Neurotica

_Decisions_

Lupin walked through the darkened corridors of Number Twelve carrying a very full bucket of dead rats. He stopped before a large pair of double doors with bronze serpents in the center of each. Sirius had tried relentlessly to transfigure the serpents, but like everything else in the Most Noble and Ancient House of Black, they'd proven impossible. One of the biggest complaints Sirius had about the house (and there were many of them) was the number of snakes that could be found on the walls, doors, various areas of the ceiling, and even the floors.

Tentatively, Lupin turned the golden door handle and pushed one of the doors open. He stepped into the room and set the buckets down. Reaching for his wand, he lit a couple of lanterns around the room, revealing the large form of a hippogriff lying next to the bay window.

"Hello, Buckbeak." Lupin smiled and bowed.

Buckbeak bowed his head slightly and rested against his front legs, eyeing the bucket next to Lupin's feet hungrily.

The wizard sat on a stool and moved the bucket between his legs. He hadn't been to see the hippogriff since the night Kreacher had injured him. Silently, Lupin began to toss the rats to Buckbeak's awaiting mouth; it was a game Sirius and the animal both seemed to enjoy. Only halfway through the bucket, however, Buckbeak began to lose interest. His head turned away from Lupin to face a picture of Sirius that Tonks had placed in the room.

Lupin sighed and dropped the rat back into the bucket. "You miss him too, don't you?" he asked quietly. The Hippogriff emitted a low squawk that the wizard took as a "yes." "You saved his life, Buckbeak. I don't think I could ever thank you enough for that," Lupin continued. He knew the hippogriff could understand him—and even if he couldn't, the wizard didn't care; he needed to get this out. "You gave me my best friend back, you know." He smiled. "I always wanted to believe he wasn't guilty, that someone else had betrayed us. Granted, never in a million years would I have believed Peter to be the true spy." Buckbeak made a sound that resembled a growl at the name, making Lupin chuckle slightly. "I guess you just never know, do you, Buckbeak?

"For twelve years, I hated Sirius for what I thought he'd done. I hated hating him—he was one of the only people I could ever truly count on to be there for me. Do you know what it's like, Buckbeak, to one day have all the people you love around you, and the next have them gone forever? It's the worst feeling in the world. Worse than any torture Voldemort could ever think of. For months, I just wanted to die, then, perhaps, I would see my friends again, and I could be happy again.

"I never thought there was any hope for me after that Halloween. I was back to being the shy little boy I was before I met Sirius and James." The wizard smiled suddenly. "You would have loved James. And Lily. I'm sure Sirius has told you all about them. They were wonderful. I can only hope that wherever Sirius is now, he's with them.

"He deserves to be happy for a change. I know how miserable he was here, and I tried my best to make it easier for him, but I don't know how good of a job I really did. Sirius never was the type to just sit back and let everyone else do the fighting. He always had to be in the thick of things, and when he wasn't, he became angry, and eventually that anger evolved into depression. I was always worried about losing my friends back in Hogwarts, so I never attempted to keep him or James in line too often. But in the last year, I knew that if I didn't exercise some control over Sirius, he'd end up dead... or worse.

"I was worried about him. I knew he'd end up doing something stupid and rash at some point, and I knew that once he'd gotten an idea in his head to leave this house, not even I would be able to stop him. I knew something horrible was going to happen that night, Buckbeak, and I tried to keep him here. He was too stubborn for his own good sometimes, and I suppose this was a perfect example of that.

"He thought he'd failed Harry all those years. For not being there, for not raising him the way he should have been raised. Sirius needed Harry as much as Harry needed Sirius. I can only imagine how different their lives would have been if we'd known the truth." He shook his head sadly. "It doesn't do to live in 'what if's', does it?"

Lupin looked out the window to the setting sun with its many colors—pink, orange, yellow. His thoughts began to drift from Sirius to a certain young witch he'd found himself thinking of more often in the last weeks.

"You know what amazes me, Buckbeak?" the wizard asked with a small smile. "How one person can change your entire outlook on life. How it only takes one particular smile or laugh to change the day from dark to light. Just knowing that you can talk to somebody, or just be in the same room with that person can give you hope. I've felt that before, but I guess I never thought I was capable of feeling it again.

"Nobody else could make me smile the way she has in the last few weeks. I've actually come to hope she'd visit every day, just to have something to look forward to. My friends always told me I needed to find myself a nice girl and settle down. But coming from Sirius Black, that never really meant much; it seemed he had a different girlfriend every other week." Lupin chuckled. "Tonks is something, though. I don't know if I could see the two of us in a relationship; we're complete opposites. Then again, so were Lily and James. Tonks knows about my condition, and she's never seemed to care. That's something I've rarely experienced with a woman. Sirius never thought the age gap between us meant anything. Of course, Sirius always thought there was something going on with Dumbledore and McGonagall... He was an odd one...

"It couldn't hurt to give Tonks a chance, could it, Buckbeak?" Lupin asked. The hippogriff raised his head and nodded a bit. The wizard nodded back. "Whatever happens, happens. If it doesn't work out, at least we'll still be friends, right?"

Lupin stood from the stool and stretched his arms above his head. "It's been wonderful talking with you, Buckbeak, and I promise not to make it too long between visits next time." The hippogriff gave him a look that said "you'd better not." "Tell you what, I'll set aside some time everyday to come in here and keep you posted on what's going on. I might even be able to arrange for you to go somewhere outside this old house. Sirius always did say he wanted you to have somewhere to roam around freely. I'll get to work on that. In the meantime, enjoy your dinner." With a final bow to the hippogriff, Lupin left the room.

He could hear whispered voices on the ground floor, and smiled, hoping one of them was Tonks. They did have a lot in common, Lupin thought. They'd both cared for Sirius; they were both dedicated to ending the war. Maybe something could come from their time together, after all.


	7. Lines

_**After the Veil**_

By Neurotica

_Lines_

Lupin sat beside Tonks on her black leather sofa in her small flat enjoying a cold glass of wine. Tonks had insisted he get out of Headquarters for an evening that wasn't filled with Order business. Lupin knew better to argue with an Auror, so he subjected himself to a surprisingly wonderfully cooked dinner of chicken and rice cooked by the witch. She'd attempted to help Molly with dinner a few times, and there were always a few accidents involved.

The evening had been filled with casual small talk that included stories on Lupin's part from his Hogwarts days with the Marauders. Tonks, in turn, told him stories of how she and her friends enjoyed annoying a certain young Potions master. Apparently, one of Tonks' first full transformations as a Metamorphmagus was an impression of Severus Snape. She even showed Lupin the transformation on his insistence. He couldn't remember laughing so hard in years.

By eleven o'clock, both Tonks and Lupin were feeling a bit tipsy, but neither seemed to want to say goodnight just yet. After refilling their glasses again, Lupin sat back into the sofa and looked beside him to Tonks. He immediately wondered how they'd come to sit so close to one another, but he made no move to further the distance between them.

"Can I read your palm, Remus?" Tonks asked quietly with an odd glint in her eyes.

"Sorry?" Lupin asked with a raised eyebrow.

Tonks rolled her eyes and pulled the wine glass out of Lupin's hand, setting it on the coffee table, with hers beside it. She gently took Lupin's right hand in her own and turned it over. His breathing hitched slightly as she moved her fingers lightly over his palm.

"Why do you want to read my palm, Tonks?" he managed to ask in a very annoyingly hoarse voice.

She shrugged. "You can tell a lot about a person by their palm. Didn't you ever take Divination class?"

"Only in third year," Lupin said. "Our professor kept informing me that I would be attacked by a rabid animal. James and Sirius found it utterly hilarious, of course, but I got a bit sick of it."

Tonks chuckled softly, still keeping up the ministrations over his palm with her fingers. "Okay, so I can see here that you have a long life line, that's good to know."

Lupin smiled as she traced the lines with her fingernail.

"You've always been quiet, reserved, and very intelligent, but we already knew that," she continued. "You never had many possessions growing up, but what you did have, you treasured. Your family meant everything to you and they still do. You value the happiness and well-being of your friends much more than your own.

"It takes a lot to gain your trust. When someone finally does gain your trust, you work hard to maintain it, no matter what it might take.

"You're loyal and dedicated, but more often than not people don't see beyond what they think they know about you. You learned young to hide your emotions from the outside world. You think that if you do that it will keep you from getting hurt later on. You don't let yourself fall in love easily—that's good. Your heart's been broken once before and you're reluctant to let that happen again.

"You're afraid. Not necessarily of physically harming a woman, though I do see that aspect of fear. No, you're more afraid of not being able to give a woman what you think she wants—a family, a large house, things like that. All you have to offer is yourself, and you don't think that's good enough for a woman. So instead of living the life you deserve, you hide yourself behind your work and books.

"You've lived through many dark times, more than most, and you sometimes let that history dictate how you live. You seem to think it's an insult to the memories of those you've lost to move on and forget them. You know that those we've lost never really leave us, but you still prefer to hide behind your experiences, no matter how horrific they may have been.

"All in all, Remus, you're a wonderful person with a lot to offer, and you need to open yourself up for a change. Don't be afraid to let people who want to know and love you into your heart. Like I said, you've got a lot to offer, whether you believe it or not. So stop fighting with yourself and live the life you deserve," Tonks finished quietly, staring determinedly into Lupin's eyes.

It took several minutes for him to find his voice again. "You found all that in my palm?" he breathed.

Tonks smiled. "Not all of it, no," she admitted. "Sirius and I had a late night discussion one night when you were out on duty."

"I see," Lupin said, his lips twitching. He looked down at their intertwined hands and realized almost instantly that Tonks knew more about him than most of his friends did. Perhaps she was right, and he did need to open his heart.

He looked up and noticed Tonks biting her lip, a habit he'd noticed she used when she became nervous about something. Using his other hand, Lupin reached up and moved a lock of her black hair away from her eyes. Without realizing, he began to lean in closer. He could feel his heart beating somewhere in his throat. Her breathing was coming quickly in short bursts.

Lupin closed his eyes and let their lips connect. He immediately felt a surge of electricity he hadn't felt in years. Tonks moaned softly as Lupin pulled his hand from hers to reach up and cradle her face. She deepened the kiss, her tongue teasing his lips, begging for entry, which he instantly granted.

After a few minutes, the need for air became too important to ignore any longer. Reluctantly, Lupin pulled away slightly, his eyes still closed, but a small smile on his lips. He felt Tonks rest her forehead on his and finally opened his eyes.

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" she teased quietly.

Lupin chuckled. "I don't know. I think I may need to test that once more, just to check."

Needless to say, Lupin didn't return to Number Twelve that night. He'd finally found what was missing from his life. He wasn't sure if it was love or not, but for right now, he was enjoying the feelings he did have. No matter which way the war would go, at least he had somewhere to turn when things got rough, and Remus Lupin wasn't going to give that feeling up anytime soon.

End


End file.
